Two-Faced or True-Faced?
I've envisioned this blog for several years now. So I finally get it off and running and....nothing!
I 'm stuck. There are no blog thoughts to be found in my heart, mind, soul, or little toe. What's the deal? It has been almost two and a half months since the launch date and the grand opening is finally being presented. So I had to ask myself the question- Why??
The answer came quickly. FEAR. I was fearful to carry out the intened mission of this blog: gut level honesty about my (and yours too) painful struggle in following Jesus. So I am wrestling with the question right now as I peck away on the keyboard- Do I have the guts to embrace my reality, and do I have even more boldness to lay it on the table in this blog? As a former vocational minister it is great fun to disect my spirituality. I love to impress others. But my spirituality and my reality are 2 completely different animals.
The raw reality of my heart is not a pretty sight and I am realizing that this truth is my greatest attribute. My fears, sins, unfullfilled desires, pride, judgements, lusts, pain, murderous thoughts, and so much more... it is me. I choose every day to reject God and choose death multiple times. Each hour I deliberately choose to sin. This is me.
So here is the choice- act the Pharisee or humble myself and be the beautiful, broken person that I am. Which will I choose? Maybe it will help me to remember that Jesus always deeply enjoyed hanging out with the drunkards, but cussed the local pastors of his day. What do I want Jesus to do with me today- enjoy me or cuss me?
I 'm stuck. There are no blog thoughts to be found in my heart, mind, soul, or little toe. What's the deal? It has been almost two and a half months since the launch date and the grand opening is finally being presented. So I had to ask myself the question- Why??
The answer came quickly. FEAR. I was fearful to carry out the intened mission of this blog: gut level honesty about my (and yours too) painful struggle in following Jesus. So I am wrestling with the question right now as I peck away on the keyboard- Do I have the guts to embrace my reality, and do I have even more boldness to lay it on the table in this blog? As a former vocational minister it is great fun to disect my spirituality. I love to impress others. But my spirituality and my reality are 2 completely different animals.
The raw reality of my heart is not a pretty sight and I am realizing that this truth is my greatest attribute. My fears, sins, unfullfilled desires, pride, judgements, lusts, pain, murderous thoughts, and so much more... it is me. I choose every day to reject God and choose death multiple times. Each hour I deliberately choose to sin. This is me.
So here is the choice- act the Pharisee or humble myself and be the beautiful, broken person that I am. Which will I choose? Maybe it will help me to remember that Jesus always deeply enjoyed hanging out with the drunkards, but cussed the local pastors of his day. What do I want Jesus to do with me today- enjoy me or cuss me?
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